Before hitting my 30’s I’d failed a great many times and it was painful. When 30 came, I failed so epically that I spent the next 3 years getting back up. I lay on the floor for 6 months- literally. Symbolism is a powerful thing.
My experiences are not dissimilar to some others — they just have different punchlines.
These days, I dedicate my work to sharing what I know about how to dodge bullets, how to find your feet after falling and how to beat misery and live a full and happy life.
I share the wealth I gathered on the way because that’s what wealth is for.
Here’s my 40,000 hours of failures and successes condensed into my Magic 60:
1. However dull the voice is inside us, it is always right.2. How you speak to yourself about yourself can be ‘heard’ a mile off, people treat you the way you treat yourself.
3. We become our environments.
4. The people we surround ourselves with are a reflection of ourselves.
5. Having boundaries simply means letting others know what is ok and what is not.
6. Others don’t know what you need until you ask for it.
7. Intimate relationships are only ‘healthy’ if you are.
8. Most people are so afraid of being hurt, they have trouble looking others in the eye.
9. Most people say the exact opposite of what they intend.
10. ‘Impossible’ is a word used by fragile personalities.
11. If you take the time to look, miracles are everywhere.
12. Whatever you focus on comes back to you.
13. Pointing the finger is short-sighted; working on our own behaviour is the opposite.
14. Some people are damaged. It serves no one to make it your problem.
15. Children learn from everything you do.
16. Anger turned inward causes depression.
17. A ‘mistake’ made more than once is a choice.
18. Consistency is crucial if you want to be taken seriously.
19. Repetition breeds belief.
20. Ignoring what you know is ‘right’ will be your downfall.
21. If you lie about the important stuff, it backfires.
22. Drinking 2-3 litres of water daily is a blessing and a privilege that many others do not have.
23. Saying ‘sorry’ and doing it better next time creates trust.
24. There’s little benefit in being angry with people unless we tell them why.
25. The body is the only home we have for life.
26. It is a choice whether to eat food that causes disease or cures it.
27. We frequently disrespect the loyalty of the body, which never lies. When we don’t have our own backs, our bodies will eventually do it for us.
28. People are creative in how they avoid perceived pain, we benefit from respecting the fact they felt the need to do it.
29. People-pleasing is an addiction and just as destructive as any other.
30. ‘Assuming’ something exposes ignorance — everything has a context.
31. People who constantly give their ‘CV’ don’t believe in themselves.
32. ‘Bankrolling’ anyone means you rob them of the opportunity to do it for themselves.
33. Sabotaging behaviour is done by those who hate themselves.
34. Focusing on breathing brings us back to the present.
35. Striving for perfection is self-abuse.
36. Putting off what we don’t want to do gets in the way of the good stuff.
37. Hiding emotions blocks connection and causes misery.
38. Decisions made in a grounded state serve you, anything less does you harm.
39. Relationships are 50/50. In happiness and in difficulty, both have parts to play.
40. Being ‘a smoker’ is a state of mind and born out of the need to breathe in environments that have had no ‘air’.
41. It is responsible to check if your ‘influence’ will benefit another and it is irresponsible if it won’t.
42. No one is ever beneath you.
43. Being authentic is attractive in all senses of the word.
44. Psychopaths often ooze charm, have black eyes and need little sleep.
45. Plans that fold mean there is something better on the way.
46. Trying to change people, breeds resentment not gratitude.
47. Asking lots of questions, listening to the answers and gathering evidence will help you abundantly.
48. True intelligence is knowing what you do not know.
49. There is no excuse for cruelty.
50. Madness is the mind’s way of taking a break.
51. When we choose to do the thing that most excites us, we continually reap the rewards.
52. Being in the presence of madness makes you feel mad.
53. Sometimes there are no words so it is better not to make them up.
54. We tell ourselves stories that aren’t true.
55. Spending above your means is stupidity.
56. Some people would rather let you think you’re crazy than admit they are wrong.
57. There is a world of difference between needs and wants.
58. Showing people you mean business gets you everywhere, talking about it does not.
59. If you want to win a ‘battle’ you must first make sure you are emotionally fit enough to do it.
60. It is just as important to tell a person that you don’t love them as it is to tell them that you do.
HCPC/BPS Chartered Psychologist